When I think of gridlock, I think of a traffic jam on the freeway, bumper to bumper cars not able to move because of an object on the freeway. Like those times on the freeway, every marriage can experience a martial gridlock. A time where your spouse and you just cannot agree on something. Some of the more stressful times in life come when you and your spouse do not agree on something. There are ways to move past this gridlock and overcome it. Gottman has some incredibly helpful steps that help us work past these difficult times.
Becoming a “dream detective”- Usually this is the cause of the gridlock, like a dream car or dream home but the spouse either has another dream or something in the marriage is not permitting this dream to come true. Its important to realize what you want and how you feel. Thinking about your dreams can help you rationalize things in your head to clear things up or to help you explain your dream to your spouse.
Explain your position- Pondering your dream will allow you to speak about your dream to your spouse. Why this dream is important to you and how you think it could benefit the marriage. Without criticizing your spouse you can simply explain what is important to you.
Soothe each other- When tender subjects are brought up, we are sensitive to hurtful conversation and more likely to build walls. its important to understand each other and know that both of you are stressed. By taking the time to help each other cope with the situation you find empathy towards the situation.
Accept that some problems are unsolvable- While it is important to come to some sort of agreement and understanding, its possible that you might not solve this problem tonight or next year. Coming up with clear cut plans with each other where you can compromise one helps keep your dreams alive. The important part is making progress on something that might change in time.
Overcoming your marital gridlock is important to finding love and empathy for each other. letting go of some things will help you get closer to your spouse. Understanding you are two individuals with dreams of your own helps you show your spouse who you really are and how you can strengthen your marriage.
For more help and a guide to overcoming gridlock found in the link below.
FAML300 